Can any of one of you read this story i made and tell me your opinions

Can any of one of you read this story i made and tell me your opinions?

As you are reading this please let me know some errors i may need to correct. thanks! “When one door closes, another one opens” August 29, 2005 my whole life began to change. I found myself trembling in fear as tears run down my face. My family was right beside me, praying and waiting for a relief, as a monstrous stormed named Hurricane Katrina began to take its place. As all of this was happening, we thought the world was coming to an end. Luckily, there was a moral that I learned from this catastrophe, which changed my whole life and future. Saturday morning, we were jumping with joy, not knowing we were jumping for doom as our parents were finally leaving us. They were about to travel very far to Maryland. It was not very often that our parents would travel. This meant that we should make good use of our time. No one was there to restrict us from doing anything we desired. We could watch movies and talk on the phone as much as we wanted. We did not have to hear these four despised words for once, “Go read your books.” Everything went really smoothly. The only thing which made the day horrible was my five younger little brats. They were causing so much chaos. The whole house was a mess. Fortunately, I had my siblings cooperate with me to get the house clean. Sunday afternoon, I was really looking forward to going outside. As I stepped outside the house, I noticed the gray clouds covering the bright, shining sun. Unfortunately, I made my way back into the house. I decided to watch a few On Demand movies for the remainder of the time. As I was watching my movie, the phone happened to ring. It was my Aunty Kenny, sounding really concerned. She asked, “Where is your mom and dad?” I told her that they were in Maryland, and that they wouldn’t be back until Monday. So, she ended the conversation by saying, “Thank you.” Thirty minutes later, my mother called the house. She wanted to know everything that we had done, since she had left. Surprisingly, I happened to tell her the truth. All of sudden she began to yell at me through the phone. She yelled, “Do you not know that a hurricane is heading toward our city!” I became speechless and scrolled down to channel three. I did not really worry much about the hurricane. Almost all the hurricanes, which came to New Orleans, was not really much of a big deal. Unfortunately, I began to have doubts about this one. This hurricane, which was ready to make the landfall the next day, began to concern me. When I began to wonder about the other hurricanes, which had hit Florida a few weeks ago, I thought about the large amount of damage that occurred right after the storm. Therefore, I was hoping that the type of damage, which had happened in Florida, would not happen in Louisiana. My main concern happened to be whether or not if my parents would come home in time to save us from this incoming storm. As I was watching the news, they mentioned that the flights going to and from New Orleans, were soon to be cancelled. All of sudden, fear overcame my body. I was praying that my parents would catch the last flight back home. I regretted rejoicing to the fact that my parents had left. I really wanted them to come back home. My little brother was three years old at the time. He asked, “Is mommy and daddy coming back home?” I responded by shrugging my shoulders. As a result, he looked at me weirdly and left the room. I turned my head back to the television and saw the Red Lobs

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Okay, so I'll give you some grammar edit first: After the date, August 29, 2005, a comma should come after 2005. "a monstrous stormed" should be "a monstrous storm" "The only thing which made the day horrible was my five younger little brats." should be "The only thing which made the day horrible were my five younger little brats." "Sunday afternoon, I was" should be "On Sunday afternoon, I was" "the gray clouds" should be "the grey clouds" "few On Demand movie" should be "a few movies on demand" "the phone happened to ring" would be better written as "the phone just so happened to ring" "Aunty Kenny" is "Auntie Kenny" "“Where is your mom and dad?” should be “Where are your mom and dad?” "New Orleans, was not really" should be "New Orleans, were not really" “Is mommy and daddy coming back home?” should be “Are mommy and daddy coming back home?” Okay, critique: It's a good plot but it's just missing some flow. When you move from Saturday to Sunday, it just feels too fast. Also, I noticed that you used the word "unfortunately" to start your sentence a few times. I think that you're pretty young so eventually, you'll be able to become a great writer. I'd be interested in knowing what happens next. Also, I'm missing a connection. You should tell me more about the protagonist. I need to know more about what she's like so I can relate to her. I as the reader need to be able to imagine myself being her. Good luck with this story!